What is important to you about the story of my spiritual journey…
I came to my first spiritual experience with a largely unplanned and loose idea of what is going to happen. Today, I recognize that some preparation is necessary and sometimes, makes a difference between a good experience and an amazing journey. I lead my clients to an experience that I have been to, with each one of you, in the same space, hundreds of times, each time, fascinatingly different and deeply emotional, transformative to the core. When you re-emerge from a deep profound hypnotic state with an awareness uttering: ”Wow!” and for a while this is all you can say, it is peaceful energy that confirms the deep, profound transformational experience, and the excitement of a new possibilities that lie ahead.
My first profound experience of spiritual hypnotic awareness occurred with a colleague who through a series of circumstances ended up being my facilitator of this exercise about 7 years ago.
She sat on the chair between the window and the bed, in our hotel room, that we shared for a business training. And next to her there I was comfortably laying, on top of the covers on the bed, under a thick blanket, my head on a pillow, my eyes closed.
The experience began with her gentle leading me into the deep profound state of hypnosis. I easily drifted off into a pleasant deep hypnotic state.
The experience then went on into the unknown, with my constant oscillation between a conscious thought and a curiosity to find out what’s there. I quickly began to have physical sensations of weightlessness and floating in my body, knowing full well that those feeling are hallucinations of my mind being in hypnosis. I continued to think, when suddenly I lost the train of my thought caught up in the curious vision I had encountered before my eyes.
My body still felt that amazing floating sensation that only comes from a deeper hypnotic state, that physical sensation that most people enjoy about hypnosis, really liking to be completely still for a change. My mind was following a dream-like vision that I am participating in a series of moving pictures, watching the action from the inside of myself, with full ability to see the parts of my body in active motion, moving around, changing positions and hearing my voice speaking with someone whom I saw very clearly nearby, although on the physical plane I was not moving or speaking while laying there in the bed, motionless and still.
I began to recognize figures in front of me. As it came to me, I stood before an auditorium of 9 people, who looked like old men, all for some reason uniformly wearing white long belted gowns, and were sitting behind a long semi-circular table. Although I was in a place with no floor, no walls, and no ceiling, as though we were standing on a cloud. It was very bright and I experienced pleasant sensations of peace and love.
For a moment, I thought to myself, “Neeea-h, I am imagining this stuff,” and then immediately, this thought was followed by another, saying, “Ok, so what, see what else you can experience, be curious, go on!” as I brought my attention back to the cloud scene for more. I felt that strangely, I had no question in my mind about how this all came about, or what it all means… while drifting off again into this picture….
Immediately upon allowing myself to drift, I felt a feeling of being loved, nurtured, a feeling of being in a safe place, comforted, secured. I looked at those elderly and noticed the face of the man in the middle, standing up. He was no taller than an average 5.9”, although it seemed to me that at the moment he became 9 feet tall, and his presence took up more of the room than it did.
In the next second, the man gave me a wink and a smile (I heard of the angelic sense of humor before, yet I imagined my eyebrows going up in surprise). As he was putting on his glasses (My God, what earthly influence!!) looking through his papers and then looking at me above the glasses he said: “You are doing good, bringing good.”
There was nothing patronizing in his comment, or the tone of voice (if I may refer to it as such.)
In fact, in that moment I felt really proud to be assessed as doing well. “Wow, they ARE real!” I thought with my omnipresent conscious mind.
I then thought: “Here I am in front of the Elders”. Finally, I stood in front of the cleverest wisest spirit representation in the Universe, the Collective Unconscious, the God… I did want this, didn’t I? But for what?… Wait…Questions-answers….What did I want to ask here?… Oh, yes…. The Question: What is my purpose?… Although for this moment, it sounded sort of flat and irrelevant. I noticed that I was very deeply happy to just stand there experiencing this peace and love, and feeling safe in doing well.
“Purpose?” He said, “Here”…..
I began to experience a multitude of sensations oscillating anywhere between feeling accomplished in my serving others, feeling peaceful in my heart, feeling free with no thoughts, and no worries, loving, sympathizing with all others, and the rest of the world, ready to be giving myself to further service and to share all that I know, sort of like that what I did back in my youth years with my friends, when we all ate in my house on a moment’s notice, stayed over in each others houses on random nights, and shared personal resources, like money and clothes, to the dismay of my mother, who complained about my readyness to give away to unknown people. Right now I felt so much love for my mother, so much forgiveness to her, as the bright light became even brighter, and I felt a sense of my importance in this letting go and helping others. I felt the sense of responsibility that I am about to commit to. It seemed as if it were an enormous sense of high responsibility, responsibility for all that I do, and even the way I breathe…..
I was thrilled, and scared at the same time. I guess I was more scared then thrilled with having this responsibility. It seemed like such a huge task that I thought that they made a mistake. Yes, for sure, I certainly could not have been chosen for this task with this enormous responsibility.
I felt I had to stop this mistake now. It became a very important issue for me now. And I screamed: “I don’t want it! Take it away! It’s not for me!” I cried and begged to take it back and EXCHANGE it for me!
Take it back and give me another, a couple of sizes smaller, like you would exchange clothes in a store. It seemed simple to do that, in that metaphor state. But I was not thinking about it then. All I was realizing than was that I definitely did not want my mission.
As soon as I thought that thought: “Take is back!” peace, silence and double slow motion suspended animation immediately came upon me. I felt myself immediately suspended in a floating state, as a response to my vocalization, accompanied by the strange freeing sensation of unreasonable happiness, almost silly giddy laughter, and vacuum of peaceful loving sensation around me. The only sensation filled this vacuum was suspended peace and happiness.
I bathed in this happy state and I was quite aware of the silence in the room at that point. I knew that my facilitator just waited for me to make the next move and that the whole roomful of elderly figures sitting on the cloud in front of me, on some other plain, also waited.
Meanwhile, I hung in that space of happiness and enjoyed myself. I thought to myself that THIS is the ultimate enlightenment…. yes, this is what I want. This…is…what…I…want….
I felt the warm sensation on my cheeks. They were wet and tingly. Tears, I thought, why? Tears steamed down my cheeks but I could not feel the tearing. I just felt this sensation of warmth pulsing inside me that produced tears. It accompanied unconditional peace, love and lightness, weightlessness and bright light around me.
I finally felt in all fullness how much I am loved, I felt so loved. I felt a part of everything around me and at the same time I was part of all that there is.
At the same time on the physical plane, I definitely felt a floating sensation of peace, settling to rest, in my entire body. It felt so good, I never felt so peaceful and still, and at the same time moving in space. In front of me I saw nothing more than just colors of red and purple, yellow and white in movement. I also felt movement, as if I was passing through an enormous mileage of space, and yet, standing still. Yes, it was peaceful, quiet, and silent. I worried about nothing…. I don’t have to worry about anything anymore….. I thought, I would like to stay here forever….. Such unconditional Love I never had before in my earthly life, this was the first. It felt at home and at peace.
I felt that I am just a little speck of dust. Yet, an important speck of dust.
I could move my finger and the rest of the Universe would respond by moving some part of it too. I could say a word, and the rest of the Universe would respond by creating something else that gives life to something else, and this begins an endless process of creating life.
I began to want to create more life.
I felt so important in the process of creating that without me, there would be no particular creation, and I must do what it takes to fulfill what I must, so there would be the creation that needs to be there, because I am alive.
A whole bunch of time must have passed. I thought, perhaps ten or even twenty minutes of our earthly time.
I was beginning to get bored with my hanging out there in this continuous happy state, in the heightened pleasure to the highest level of light possible. It was like a continuous mechanically induced high moment that lasted and lasted and lasted….. I realized that this happiness had no purpose, no source, no mission, no creativity, just one continuous same, almost exhausting, emptying feeling of peace, nothingness and rest. I thought, I may as well be dead.
My mind was ever so free. I have not thought. I am so powerful.
Powerful in what? Doing nothing? Some power!
Powerful in thinking nothing, just being.
It still felt good but no longer exciting.
My physical body was getting tired of laying still. I was beginning to feel my body trying to move to change position.
I was debating within my mind. As if two sides of me were struggling to find resolution to what to do next.
Just being up there does not count, you gotta fulfill yourself, live your life, be what you can be!
Couldn’t I do it from here?
What can you do from there? You can’t do your mission you can’t do your life, or giving… Just hanging out there without a mission, is this what you want?
I was peaceful for a few more moments. Then a thought came again.
I was beginning to feel fed up with this pointless happy sensation of hanging in there without any purpose, particularly that stuff needed to be done on Earth. People are waiting for me. Life needs to go on. I wanted my life to go on. I began to feel that I need to get back to start doing what I need to be doing what I loved to be doing, but then I was suspended in this slow-motion happiness, that lingered, like a gooey thick blob enveloping me in its pleasurable sensations, and although it felt great, I was getting ready to move on.
I felt as if waking up like a sleeping Beauty to the reality of life around me. And in the same instant I felt that I cannot come back to Earth without a mission.
Now I am reminded, I am still WITHOUT A MISSION. I don’t know how I knew that, but I knew that much, without a mission one does not have any purpose on Earth. We come here to fulfill our tasks, sometimes more difficult than others, we are here to learn lessons, experience emotions, go through our life, in our physical body, but we ALL HAVE TO HAVE a mission. I felt it in my body now. I got to have my mission back.
And even more importantly, it made me realize that I was the one who chose my own mission, this task on Earth that I now have to commit to fulfill.
My mission is so important that if I don’t take it, no one could do my part!
In that moment it became important to me that I get my mission back to me.
So after a moment of hesitation, I humbly asked for my mission to be returned to me.
I spoke to the elders, “Ok, give it back to me.”
So what do you think happened next?
I felt as if a truck-load of responsibility was heavily dumped onto me, and my body immediately felt so heavy, physically pressed into the surface, and, I felt that by bones are crushing under their own weight, but you know what?
I felt so happy to get my mission back, now it was mine! Now I was ready to do it! It felt precious to me now and not scary at all…. My eyes were tearing once again as I felt this amazing experience.
What can be more important than knowing your mission?
Now, when I opened my eyes the first word I said was “Wow!”
And for a while it was the only word I could utter.